I cant do one fucking thing right. I’m so sick and tired of trying. I can’t be the perfect daughter she wants. I can’t be the perfect sister my siblings want. I can’t be the perfect friend they want. I can’t be the perfect girl he wants. I can’t even be the perfect ME that I want. At times I seriously think I’d just be better off dead….What hurts the most is knowing I was never really good enough for him. Even if he says other wise, I know the truth. God, I hate how much pain I’m in on the inside. Can a heart truly break once it stops beating…? I love him so much….and to know that he was depressed because of me…doesn’t matter how long it’s been since he told me…doesn’t matter how many times I read it….it still kills me inside. I wish we’d never have met sometimes….I just love him sooo fucking much….but I don’t even know if he really loved me….reality’s starting to crash….I feel so lost and alone…I just need him…. I need to be in his arms….Konnor, I swear to God, I love you…I wish you’d give me another chance…..either way, I’m dying inside…</3

Yesterday kinda pissed me off and made me feel out of place. My friend was talking about her boyfriend and how she gets to see him all the time. And during Spring Fling, I sat next to my sister’s boyfriend, whose basically my brotha from another motha and I realized that the last time I was sitting with someone watching something,was in November, and I almost got back together with my ex then. I also remembered, when they were singing all those oldie love songs, it made me miss my boy- even more. I know he’s not mine anymore, but I still call him mine:/ I seriously can’t do anything without SOMETHING reminding me of him. I miss him so fucking much. He won’t even talk to me anymore. Haven’t since he told me to move on. I’m trying, honestly, I am. But it just isn’t working out. He was perfect to me. I memorized every scar, every curve of his body. The way he smiles, the way he laughs. I can still feel his lips on my neck, on my lips. I can still feel his body under my hands. I still exepct to see him around here, talking to a friend, looking up and smiling that beautiful smile at me, his green eyes looking at me- no…not at me…at my soul. Konnor, I swear to God, if you were to give me one more chance, I won’t let you regret it. I swear on my life… I feel so incomplete without you. I feel empty. You’re my world no matter what. They say ‘move on, things will get better’. Well I disagree. things will only get better if I’m in your arms again. There will be no one like you in my life ever again. I would gladly lay down my life- just for you. You’re my entire world, Konnor. I love you so fucking much. It hurts badly, that’s how much I love you. I’m sorry for everything I’ve done wrong in the relationship….</3

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